I havent been writing for a very long time, probably cause I dont really have the mood to have my thoughts penned or rather in this case typed out, but for now I shall just put in some thoughts that I've gathered so far, and that make them known to people.

Sometimes when I look back on my past, it's really interesting to note that alot of things that you wished to be undone don't actually undo themselves, for they are just awaiting you to settle them. Most problems tend to fall into this pattern, especially when it comes to relations. I had a rather interesting heart to heart talk with one of my long lost friends today, and I actually gained some insight, despite the incident happening rather long ago.

It's good that there are people who actually supports you when you're down and all, but it will be even better if there were someone brave enough to say something that might possibly offend you, but for your own good. People like that are kinda rare, for being Mathew everybody knows I'm no easy man when it comes to this kinda thing. Obstinate and stubborn in nature, I might simply flip and retaliate, sorry I guess everyone has their in built self protecting system when it comes to such things. So while I try to tone down on this fight or fight reaction to threats to my ego, I hope that more people can be more frank with me in this kinda aspect.

Another thing that constantly irritates me is how some people, which I do not wish to mention, think that being from a certain team simply means that whatever he or she says is right. I'm not pointing fingers, but sometimes I feel there is no need people to have a little front... I was once from there too, so quit telling me all those bullshit that your seniors are brainwashing you with. Again, I clarify that I'm not blaming the seniors, for every team has their own way of working or whatsoever. I must insist that it is not necessary to show your air to your peers simply because you're from a particular team.

I've been appointed as vice captain of a hall cheer team. If there is a need for me to uphold that position I will, but if someone is just being childish and starts to rant and whine about losing the position, I will gladly give it to someone more capable. Till you find someone who can trump me in ALL ASPECTS you shut up. Stop acting like a small kid and be grumpy about it. Please be informed that it is NOT my decision, it was made by the captain. And obviously respect that because it's not easy to be the captain of a cheer team, let alone choosing a subordinate that she is able to work with. So should I continue to stay as VC then obviously I will earn my place and make sure everyone agrees to me.

As most people have already know, thanks to constant postings on facebook, I'm already a member of Denvers. I know alot of people are giving that disapproval look, like I've become some betrayer or whatever. I have told people that I've quit ACES, not Cheer. I seek a more conducive environment to learn,,, I don't need people who come back to "help" but instead are around doing their own stuff, or people who half heartedly do it, and just say "something is wrong," and then hand over the teaching job to someone else because they can't pinpoint. I like it at Denvers because they give opportunities to learn regardless of how good or how bad you are, they don't work on your mentals to pressure you on, and whatnot. This of course is my personal opinion, it's my choice and I stick by it..

Of course there are always flip sides of a coin. There are things that I miss and lost, one of the most important things is I miss my ex teammates. Each and every one of them. When I look at those photos of their outings I actually felt a slight tinge of jealousy .. slightly.. I've said it a couple of times, that my loyalty is to my teammates, not the team. I bear no qualms about leaving the team, but I just feel sad leaving my teammates. It's a feeling that I need to deal with, and I think I already did a good job at that.

I love my new team. And if you are a true friend that I suggest you encourage me to work on and be happy for me I found somewhere that I can pursue my dreams. If you're just gonna bitch about you and your team and how my entry has offended you, either you're thinking too elitistically, or you're just a sore noob.