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There are things that I never understand, that is how life works. The more you heck care, the more things come back to you... while the more you try really hard to be concerned and pay attention to things the more the run away from you. It's the same for both humans and other affairs.
I haven't been getting some time off from life for a very long time now.. and rarely today I did. Was supposed to meet someone for dinner but apparently she's still in school projecting so I'm stayed home. For once I actually plonked myself on the couch ogling at tv programmes, a real rarity since I always coop in my room whenever I'm home, with either my VAIO or my desktop as my best friend. It has really been some time since I gave myself some space.
I've always been thinking about others. How people are coping, if they are okay, if they are falling sick, or stressed. I know how it works. I personally love to get messages to ask me to jiayou or whatever, it really gives you a little more boost to tackle whatever problems you face. So more often or another I SMS or MSN my friend with these. I'm not acting it out, for those people who think I am, it's genuine care and concern... and I'm sure those who are close to me can testify that.
Sometimes people just ignore. It's okay.. really. it doesn't cost me a piece of flesh and blood if you don't. It's just that if you don't care neither do I. I will just remember it as a sign of "don't bug me" and I won't cross the territory again... if you think I am. For those who reply, good for you.
Anyway, having some time for myself is good. Some self reflection, some intrapersonal communication to think back on what you have been doing so far... helps you keep track of what things are happening around. For far too long I've allocated free time for other people, work, studies, and whatnot. I don't have time to pursue what i want to do. Rare opportunities like this don't come easy, so I'm blogging to share some thoughts with you people.
Another thing I learnt from TV (LOL!) was that people aren't down for no reason. They're down because they need a hand, so the problem doesn't really lie in them, it lies in the rest of us. So are you willing to stretch out and reach out to people who are in the doldrums? Or just act busy and ignore... you know who you are.. selfish pricks. You really deserve full blown karma.
First up will be what I've been doing so far, as of any other long entry. School's starting. Like YAY. Suddenly it feels weird that I'm actually looking forward to starting school. I'm having a really slack semester, only 14AUs. Because of that stupid system I can't get enough electives. Thanks alot, and a class full of foreigners at a project based subject? No thanks. Because of that I'm now having the slackest semester ever. Yay.
But doesn't mean I'm slacking. I'm working hard for this semester for real. I study every other day, and at weekends I do revision. No shit. I do that! Mathew has changed to a full time mugger and part time er.. whatever else in my life la.
Hmm and of course I'm gonna share some aspects of my life. Been thinking alot lately, and perhaps because of my constant bitching I've become a full fledged bitch. And I'm having this PMS. LOL. like seriously. So I'm thinking more than usual, and that very deep thinking will result.
What I've realised is I having really been developing a character of my own. All my life I've realised that I've been following whatever pleases people, It has always been something like that. And the other thing I feel is that there are 1001 things that I want to do and achieve in life, but I've met with too many naysayers, including myself. Let's make a short list shall we? Shall let you all have a look at the innards of mathew. NOT MY ORGANS LA MIND YOU.
Photographer
I've always wanted to be one. I like to take pictures - haha. for those people who went camwhoring trips with me would probably know that. I like keeping memories when I'm with people that I like.. Sentimentalism? Probably. But I feel that some things are really worth keeping. And the other thing is I like to take random snapshots about my everyday life... something that I'm still learning. No.. I'm not going to get a DSLR because it's probably too heavy and clunky for me.
From young my parents shun me away when I try to take pictures without people. Probably cause film limits the amount of photos we can take, I wasn't given the chance to explore. Now that I have my own camera, I can try to fulfill my wishes. I can only try, because there aren't much people willing to go for such trips with me. Those who did I'm really thankful cause u're realising my dream.
Dancer
It has always been tsugoi to see people who can dance so well and fluidly, able to convey feelings, emotions and styles in one dance. Unfortunately, I'm not given the genes to be flexible, neither am I given the talent to be a good dancer. More importantly I think my own dancing sucks. Hahaha. So Egoistic Mathew knows his own flaws too. And today I am given an opportunity to dance proper so I will try my best.. especially when my partner is my sis (:
Designer
I particularly like to design stuff. Not that my artwork is very nice - I can't even draw proper looking humans other than stick figures - quoting my mom since young. But I do like to make collages and do photo editing to create something else like posters or calendars. I like to draw too... but there're too many naysayers that feel I'm just not cut out for artistic talents.
Actor
Yes as you all know Mathew is a drama king. He's filled with emotions, he communicates with his face, body language, tone of speech and everything else other than his actual words. Little do you know he wants to be an actor. Very much. Thanks to eventual practicality and the lack of stunning good looks, there's no way to act other than to self enteratin in front of the mirror LOL. Or act like elmo on the phone. HAHAHA.
I think that's about it. Which makes everyone wonder, so where the heck do you come from (as in what course). Yes I'm a science student, contrary to common belief. Nowadays people keep telling me wonderful stereotypes about me ... like I come from a boy's school, went acjc/sajc and am in HSS. Which is hilarious since NONE of the assumptions there are correct. LOL. nonetheless. these assumptions are not too bad. haha. because these are positive stereotypes (: yay.
And oh. Dont think I don't know my flaws. I'm directing this to some people who judge me even before they know me well enough. If you have nothing nice to contribute, and don't even know me and are close to me, PISS OFF. Don't go around pointing fingers at me and say my 'flaws'. I know my flaws thank you very much. Falseful accusations truly hurt. ALOT.
Alot of new people entered my life lately. Still, I treasure those who are still with me and are still close to me. Those who are not, you have no idea what you've missed out on. And those who offended me, it's perfectly okay.. Just don't do it again yups?
Lala. I'm in a rather good mood. See you next entry. There, ah ma, i blogged dont say your sunzi never blog. Kudos!
Sometimes when I look back on my past, it's really interesting to note that alot of things that you wished to be undone don't actually undo themselves, for they are just awaiting you to settle them. Most problems tend to fall into this pattern, especially when it comes to relations. I had a rather interesting heart to heart talk with one of my long lost friends today, and I actually gained some insight, despite the incident happening rather long ago.
It's good that there are people who actually supports you when you're down and all, but it will be even better if there were someone brave enough to say something that might possibly offend you, but for your own good. People like that are kinda rare, for being Mathew everybody knows I'm no easy man when it comes to this kinda thing. Obstinate and stubborn in nature, I might simply flip and retaliate, sorry I guess everyone has their in built self protecting system when it comes to such things. So while I try to tone down on this fight or fight reaction to threats to my ego, I hope that more people can be more frank with me in this kinda aspect.
Another thing that constantly irritates me is how some people, which I do not wish to mention, think that being from a certain team simply means that whatever he or she says is right. I'm not pointing fingers, but sometimes I feel there is no need people to have a little front... I was once from there too, so quit telling me all those bullshit that your seniors are brainwashing you with. Again, I clarify that I'm not blaming the seniors, for every team has their own way of working or whatsoever. I must insist that it is not necessary to show your air to your peers simply because you're from a particular team.
I've been appointed as vice captain of a hall cheer team. If there is a need for me to uphold that position I will, but if someone is just being childish and starts to rant and whine about losing the position, I will gladly give it to someone more capable. Till you find someone who can trump me in ALL ASPECTS you shut up. Stop acting like a small kid and be grumpy about it. Please be informed that it is NOT my decision, it was made by the captain. And obviously respect that because it's not easy to be the captain of a cheer team, let alone choosing a subordinate that she is able to work with. So should I continue to stay as VC then obviously I will earn my place and make sure everyone agrees to me.
As most people have already know, thanks to constant postings on facebook, I'm already a member of Denvers. I know alot of people are giving that disapproval look, like I've become some betrayer or whatever. I have told people that I've quit ACES, not Cheer. I seek a more conducive environment to learn,,, I don't need people who come back to "help" but instead are around doing their own stuff, or people who half heartedly do it, and just say "something is wrong," and then hand over the teaching job to someone else because they can't pinpoint. I like it at Denvers because they give opportunities to learn regardless of how good or how bad you are, they don't work on your mentals to pressure you on, and whatnot. This of course is my personal opinion, it's my choice and I stick by it..
Of course there are always flip sides of a coin. There are things that I miss and lost, one of the most important things is I miss my ex teammates. Each and every one of them. When I look at those photos of their outings I actually felt a slight tinge of jealousy .. slightly.. I've said it a couple of times, that my loyalty is to my teammates, not the team. I bear no qualms about leaving the team, but I just feel sad leaving my teammates. It's a feeling that I need to deal with, and I think I already did a good job at that.
I love my new team. And if you are a true friend that I suggest you encourage me to work on and be happy for me I found somewhere that I can pursue my dreams. If you're just gonna bitch about you and your team and how my entry has offended you, either you're thinking too elitistically, or you're just a sore noob.
GAIN (+5 HP bonus)
FD3S RX-7 Modelling Kit
Gundam Virtue Trans-Am Modelling Kit
5cm PVC Leather tote bag
Braun Buffel Wallet
10 T-shirts (with some limited edition ones)
4 shorts
Metallic Stone Bracelet
Tonnes of random souvenirs here and there
Olympic Soft Toys X5
Some other random buys
A minor belly
LOST (-10 MANNA)
My xiao hong Cybershot DSC W170 ): ):
A whole chunk of cash
More importantly it would be the psychological part. It really made me rethink if I'm happy with my current life or not. I've totally enjoyed myself in my stay over at my hometown, in case you didn't know, all the visiting of relatives really make me feel at home. Sometimes I feel that I do envy the rest of the peeps here whose grandparents you can visit over chinese new year, aunts and aunties that you visit every week for stayovers and all, I never had that kind of priviledge since young. My aunt isn't the most hospitable host for house parties I must say, and most of her friends are brainless tai-tais from the middle class. Which makes visiting them really boring because their conversations are pretty much 无稽之谈.
Sometimes you really have to go through something catastrophic before something gets to you. In my case, I got my camera shortly before I joined Aces, and hence it has almost been linked to Aces in every way. It's red, team red, and it has followed us through how many countless trainings, numerous rehearsals and pinpointing of mistakes. It has been dropped outside SRC, cranked out its lens painstakingly with a nudging sound for some time before it extends, till I got it fixed recently and lost it there after. More than 90% of the photos were cheerleading related. Thus accounts for how much cheer has influenced me so far in uni.
When the camera was lost, it doesn't seem any more coincidental than it really is. Perhaps some may say it's silly to prophecise the lost of a camera to be a guiding light in the dark, but to think of it more metaphorically, it probably is the end of something.
Of course this aint the only reason i'm quitting. There are too many reasons for it, and those who are closer to me probably know the whole story. University is of course yet another one of those places where you focus on studies, and everything else secondary, or suffer the consequences of either never being able to graduate or graduate but have no place to go. When studies fail, you really have to give up everything - your passion, your interests and even your money making opportunities, to get your grades back up. That's about priortising, rationalisation of choices. I don't do hasty decisions that I regret later.
I've been in cheer for far too long. It has been almost 5 years, albeit with a break in between when marching left right centre backwards. I've been to performances, cheerobics, felt the excitement, tasted the medal, shared the joy. I've also broken down, brought to near tears, guilt-stricken for dropping a flyer, learnt some new things every time i go for training. Cynics may say that I've been in cheer for so long yet I'm still not good; then I'll have to say that I've done my best to learn whenever circumstances allow. In the past where proper coaching was rare, even a training spot was hard to find. We learn to make do. That's something that people in good teams will never understand, how much hardship there was and what we went through.
Of course some people never let go of cheer, refuse to let go of their team and whatnot. All these are of course understandable. I even went to read some of my seniors' blogs, and it seems some of them has already passed the baton to the next upcoming team. So let's hope that the new combined senior-junior team can bring the trophy home again..
For me, I think it's enough to have tasted it. Do a nibble, savour it with the tip of the tongue. It's enough to understand the aroma, the overall feel of what it's about. it's time to move to the next plate and begin to tantalise myself with new dishes.
It has been a long journey, and I thank the rest of my teammates for making it possible. I've done my part till cheerobics, and I think I have no regrets at that. Good luck guys and gals.
(delayed entry due to lack of proper Wi-fi access)
Saturday
Sigh. In life there’re often ups and downs, and when tragedy comes, there are basically two options: roll over and die, or face it up front. It may be simple as it sounds, but more often or another it’s often really hard to make such drastic decisions. Fortunately, or unfortunately in some cases, there are things that aren’t really in your control.
Today I mourn the loss of a loved one. Someone I really treasure; someone that I’ve shared a lot of wonderful memories with, especially with my cheerleaders. The photos are saved on my VAIO, my desktop and other places, but the things I share with it are probably not replaceable. It’s really saddening, for some of the features I’ve just learnt how to utilize; now it’s no longer possible. I’ll curse and swear at the person who pickpocketted my darling away, and I hope he rots in hell and never to be forgiven.
Thank you for the memories and wonderful pictures. You may not have the best features, but to me, you’re most important, more so than my first digital camera.
Truth be told, I’ve never lost anything like that in my entire life. I was told that whenever you lost or broke something, it simply meant that the object damaged/lost probably shielded you away from any misfortune that might be on your way. I chose to believe so, but I have to blame myself for my negligence. I had thought that Hong Kong was a safer place, but I’m afraid it’s worse than I thought. I think I’m too used to the safe streets of Singapore, and I have to keep in mind that it’s a minefield out there. Fingersmiths I would say; just as people good with gold are known as goldsmiths. Not that I approve of it, and it certain is not nice being the victim, but I have to applaud their courage and boldness to commit such crimes. And on the side of being a nice guy, if that guy stops at my camera, I shall be thankful. Hopefully he regrets his sin and never to commit the same thing again.
Sunday
Finally proper wifi access and i can find myself at ease with a proper connection. Ironically, it's at some hawker centre lookalike place. It never fails to amaze me. Apparently all estates are wired up, but with a password and userid that I don't know. I'm currently connected to some government wifi crap that does not allow some china websites. Looks like I can't get my dosages of Gossip Girl and House anymore.. haha. Oh wells.
I need a new camera. My cybershot phone is currently my only camera now, not that it's not capable, but it just doesn't cut it 'cos it's still just a phone. Anyone who has recommendations should tell me. Really. I want a new compact that has HD video recording and PASM modes (for people who don't know what PASM is please DONT recommend. haha.)
Just waiting for facebook to be done with my photos I took at beijing then I'm done with this online thing. Till the next time then.
I miss my xiao hong already ): ): only da hong is left to keep me company now!
Nope, I'm still not attached. There always has been people telling me that I don't seem to have problems mixing around with girls. You probably got that right. In fact, I think that most of my good friends are actually female and don't ask me why. It's just, I'm not ready for another one of those heart wrenching sad stories just yet. Perhaps I'm hesitant, intimidated or whatever, but I don't think I'm making the cut yet.. "Maybe it's just that you choose to remain single." Yes Sont, probably you're right on that one.
And by the way recently I've been staring in the mirror. God I look old. Very old. I seem to be malnourished *not in that way*, it's more psychological than physical. I have been toiling in the books for way too long. And this holidays hopefully gives me back the life that I had wanted.
And what happened? The stupid swine flu has descended upon us. So much for a good relaxed holiday huh. Temperature takings, stupid looking stickers, and a whole truckload of paranoia. And I won't be surprised by the time I get back to SG those custom officers would probably hand us a quarantine order when we return. Looks like one whole damn week of after holiday stay at home.
Time to think back on this semester. I wouldn't say I've put in my 100%, but I wasn't that shabby either. I would love to slap an excuse to everything with the giant CHEEROBICS but that really won't do. I haven't been attending lessons, other than economics which is my favourite subject and attendance is graded, and have been extremely reliant on the textbooks. I don't know what would happen if I didn't have them, it's almost unthinkable.
Which of course, brings me to the point if I should continue to join cheer. I continued on just because I don't want to let my teammates down. They've put in the hard work, and it would be unfair if I just walked out on them. But after cheerobics, what goes? I don't really feel the connection anymore. I don't even know we have new captains and presidents. Moreover, ah ma and ben are leaving as they are final year students. Ah ma has always been my inspiration, my pillar of support. Now that she's gone, who can i turn to to voice my concerns and problems. Probably haybee, which I've gotten to know alot better these days. It's kinda sad really, I used to have 3 good friends that I can talk to in the team, namely Yining, Jiaxian and Ah ma. Yining is now lost in her own world, literally, and there's almost zero communication. It's awkward, and it's almost pissing me off sometimes, but I can't blame her, it's her first relationship anyway.
I think I've lost way too much in the course of pursuing my cheerleading lifestyle. Cheerleaders, contrary to common belief, aren't exactly the spotlight of the university and everyone wants to be friends with them. No, please dont tell me how bring it on does it because it's effectively rubbish. In fact, there are even lots of people who grumble and grumble (you know who you are) that we occupy the sports halls for "stupid cheerleading". It doesn't really help if we're national champions because no one, I repeat, no one gives a shit. You should have heard what the SAO professor said that shot us with a chain gun, "So team red never won anything right?" Suddenly there was an awkward silence permeating in the air as a couple of the "rest of the people working in the office of SAO" (names are not exactly relevant) tried to explain half convincingly that we were behind the seniors. Our best friends are actually supposedly our own teammates simply based on the fact that we went through the same crap together.
I am a bitch. No doubt about it, but in certain aspects of life there's nothing better than a session of outright whacking out the differences and bitchslapping people (literary device. No violence please) Some people are just assholes in their own right, in their own field. It's almost as though they do it as a profession. Some think that they are well loved by everyone, others hide a knife under their smile. Everyone loves to hold the sword/blade in a stabbing motion sometimes, and more often or another before you attack the person in front of you, someone else has given you a deep wound at the back, and you won't know until someone on the street points to you and say "that dude's bleeding and he doesn't even know it."
Okay, there's really too much blabbering. If you know what I'm writing here in its entirety you're very close to me. Like dead close. Otherwise if you know abit here and there you're not bad. I don't expect much, for this is quite a mesh as it is a mess. Oh well. I think I've typed enough to last a month. Hopefully I survive the trip. Ta.
Just a short entry when I'm at home.. I always got the writing inspiration whenever I'm home. I've no idea why. Anyway. It's only about a week left before cheerobics and we're training harder than ever. Just got the dance finished. Not exactly a very hard nor very easy dance, but the effect looks better from the front. Haha. And our cheer's are getting better .. haha.
Something still bothers me though. Some people have begun to be unresponsive towards pointers for improvements, while there are some who begin to think that they know alot and start shooting out orders. Interesting.
Sighhh. My walk to extension looks damn horrible nowadays. Don't know why.. Maybe I over-exerted on the previous stunts before this.. I hope it all works fine today because the grand seniors are coming back to observe our routine..
All the best for our both teams. FIGHTO! がんばってね！
"
君に愛されたから
私は私になれた
"
I sincerely apologies for the lack of updates for the past 6 weeks. This has been a relatively tough period that I've to go through, with work starting to pile up, more trainings coming up, Still, I'm going to give a brief picture of what has been happening with my life so far.
a) Studies studies and more studies
I don't know if I should be blaming the lecturers for my horrible grades, but seriously previous semester's lecturers are way better. Honestly. Half of the time I've been using my energy to try to decipher whatever gibberish english they were trying to use, the other half I am half stoning. Is it because of the economic downturn that we're stuck with these low grade lecturers whom we cannot even understand? To make things worse, mathematics is already hard enough for me. I've never been someone who'd excel in math, not ever. But encountering such "good" lecturers simply meant I'm forced to S/U my mathematics. I think that's a smart decision.
And for my electives? Economics is still relatively easy. And I'm embarking a get to know your classmates spree. So hopefully I won't be so lonely in tutorial classes anymore. The verdict? ADM girls are nice people. Hahah. Eileen don't you start grinning.
b) Cheerleading
ACES is seriously a mixed bag, probably because the good and the bad are pretty drastic. You got people who expects miracles to pop out of nowhere, some teammates who tire so easily that they literally lie dead on the ground whenever they aren't doing any stunts, and more and more excuses to hate a particular someone. Still, trainings is over more productive, though at times it does seem rather never ending. Nonetheless, I think we should just withstand the hardship for another 2 weeks or so and we're done here. Okay, at least for me, I'm done.
c) Birthday
Yes yes, supposedly my birthday was a sucky one, with myself planning everything from my gift to dinner and to the eventual celebration. Yet, it seems that there is a silver lining - as always. By this simple celebration I found out who my friends really are, and those whom I think I'm close with suddenly seemed to distant. I don't really care on this one - if you are not free then please tell me before hand, and don't pull off some stupid stunt that requires me to ask if you are coming before you tell me you aren't. Oh well, I must say that I had a good time, and I owe my dear Esa a very big apology on that note.
d) Stabbing incident.
Haha, the big hoo-haa about the stabbing thing. Look, featuring it here has NOTHING gotta do with me. It's just a random things that I think about as I pen this entry. It's really freaky, that a supposedly safe place like NTU can be the birthplace of a murder wannabe and suicidal student. I know our university is probably rather boring, but not to the extent that you can stab professors for ruining your scholarship? Sheesh, god knows what these people are thinking these days..
Okay, I think that about sums up all the things that happened so far. I think. And I met someone I miss so much during this period too. But sigh, I don't know when she'll be coming back though..
That's it. Why what else do you expect, oh yes, more movies, more House, more Gossip Girls. And i await my life to come back to me. tsk.
XOXO
Yes, I've finally found another slot of time for thanksgiving, so here goes, the non-NTU people, again, with no order of preference whatsoever.
Esabella
The stupid xiao mei! haha. Knowing you has been somewhat an honour, though sometimes I do disapprove of your actions.. still, it's nice to have you round most of the time when you're not emo and stuff. We've probably entered each other's lives i guess. HAHA. you're stuck with me forever! :D
Qin Fang
Someone who never fails to entertain me whenever I feel like talking.. You're like always there for me! I'm so glad to have known you, since the way we met each other was abit =.= but still, good that we've turned out to be rather good friends eh? Keep in touch!
Shu Zhen
Probably the youngest "sister" that I have. Thanks for being there most of the time yup? haha. good luck for your studies and stuff... don't keep thinking about shopping and stuff la!
Seraphina
yes yes, you're here as well, thanks for the company, and for the long lasting friendship that we both share. There are times when we really wished to give up altogether, but all it takes really is just a little push and off you go! So never say no.
Sharon Koh
Auntieeee! Thanks for being there all these while as a very good friend of mine! So sad that you're no longer my flyer, but I'm glad to say I'm still basing! Haha. Must remember to watch me perform okay?
The rest of the Maelstrom cheerleaders
All of you deserve a special mention, for all the laughs we had, yes, that includes our dear Ho Fai too! Thanks for being my stepping stone to cheerleading, and uh, I won't let you down. haha.
Section Mates for AETC + Sherman
Thanks for the numerous gaming sessions, dinner sessions, and whatever crap sessions that we all share together. All the best in your studies, and hopefully the next outing works out when fat boy is planning.
Hsiao Wei
My dearest sister who got lost halfway by some unknown reason! haha. now that she's back with me, I'm blessed to have a nice friend next to me again! haha. thank you so much for coming back!
Eunice
Eunice dear I miss you! When are you coming back? I really loved the times we shared together going all over the place!
Lynn
Another one who went overseas and only comes back once a year.. you should have known we shared a special type of bond eh? haha. thanks for being there ... and it's been like what, 5 years?
Melswee
Surprised your name still appears here? It's not without proper reasoning. You've been rather important in my life, even though there are things that I don't approve. Oh well, you're still my dotter and I'm still your mummie. As always.
Okay, there are many others too, but I'm not in a right state of mind to recall names and memories. Just a quick recap of what has been happening so far:
1) New Semester starts. I'm still slacking. The lecturers for this semester made the previous ones feel superb. To the extent, I feel that there's not much point in going for lectures anymore, and that's not good.
2) The hall 16 cheer team managed to do a full routine. For those who didn't know, other than ACES training, i helped out hall 16 training because they were a new startup, and I know personally new startups need all the help they can get. Maybe it's Sharon whom I thought I need to help out the most because she's stressed most of the time, but yeah, they managed to pull if off, so congrats.
Sometimes it's hard to let it go, when HO is over, there are still many events that the cheerleaders still continue to do together, but even though it may be fun to go along, but I've to take a step back, 'cos the fact is I don't belong. I'm just some random guy who wastes time helping them out for the HO so they won't make a fool of themselves. Maybe I made a fool out of myself.
3) I'm losing my interest and passion in cheer. I don't know if it's ACES training or is it my personality changing, but I no longer feel the innermost push in me to continue in cheer. I've began to take a serious look at alternatives at the moment, and I will wait and see what happens next before I decide on my next step.
The mantra goes, if you want to help with something, don't ask for anything in return. Most of the time you're gonna be disappointed, but is it I'm asking for too much? Probably. I'm too laden down with all these questions that I'll probably not obtain an answer anytime soon.
Hello! As we usher into the new year, I think I owe all my readers or whatever my sincere apologies for my lack of replies. Training for cheerleading is tiring.. so I've no time to do other stuff! haha. I even don't have time to facebook. Oh my god. Finally, now that I've some time before my noodles are done cooking so I'll blog!
Things in the new year are not too bad so far. People once again come and go. Well, I guess that's probably part and parcel of life I guess. Nothing out of the ordinary. Still, I think that I need to make a dedication entry to people around me, who stood by me in spite of how much of an asshole I can be sometimes.. Haha. Here goes, in no order of preference whatsoever,
Let's start with NTU!
Stephanie
There's really no one that knows me better in NTU than you. Hahaha. My dearest xiao mei. haha. Since like RE days, you've been the way that's always been there and of course vice versa. Even though we're like from different courses etc, but still there's always some way that we can meet up and talk! haha. keep it that way. really thankful you are there for me when things are down and for sticking around when I'm sad!
Adeline
The other girl who's dear to me. ahaha. Despite all the mishappenings between us, some people who should just shut up and not amplify stuff, and whatever, we're still so close and can talk about anything under the sun! Well appreciated, and that our relation be there forever! I'm glad to have known you, and in such a short while we can be such good siblings! haha.
Debra
Surprise surprise. Your name actually appears here too!. You're probably the few people whom I first known from CBC other than my OG, and I'm glad I have known you. Haha. We're quite different people, but still I like the way we encourage each other to persevere on. Haha. best of luck on your change of subject, and hope you made the right choice!
Yining, Jiaxian, Li Jing
The 3 of my closest friends in ACES. Thanks for putting up with my arrogant attitude at times, and that you three are willing to care for me even outside of cheer and stuff. There's a reason why you three are closer to me (at least that's what I think) than the rest. So thanks for that, and that we can stay that way! haha. and please keep your weights down (:
Isaac, Tian Hong, Christine, Yan Shan, Juan Juan
My best buds during lecture and stuff! haha. I wonder how can I ever survive if not for you people. I would've been sitting alone in lectures (okay, not really) and life would be rather boring. Thanks for the endless supply of sweets, notes, movies, photocopied materials, bubble tea, tao huay, 'curry chicken' and erm.. the birthday celebrations! haha. thanks for the laughter too!
Olivia
I've always considered you as one of my better friends that I've known in school even though the reverse may not be true. Sometimes we might have certain disagreements, but still I know you still care about my well being and stuff. I'm glad despite not in the same school not in the same course not in the same cca we can still meet up now and then and talk to each other. So thanks my dear oli (:
Kah Mun
It's rather weird indeed, as I've never thought that we could be such good friends. haha. Sister! Really thankful to you for hearing me out and allowing me to pour out my sad stories! Sorry I've never been much of a good listener sometimes but I'd promise I'll try harder this year okay?
Zhiting
Haha.. My OGL! Maybe because you same age as me.. lol. That's why can like click better. haha. thanks for your advice on stuff from time to time, haha, though sometimes what we think might not tbe the same haha. jiayou jiayou!
Vanessa
Sorry for dao-ing you at times! Not my fault la.. cannot see properly in the dark ma! haha. you've always been a great friend + partner + etc etc so far so not bad la. lol. start setting alarm clocks for early lectures ya =P
Evonne
haha. the cheerful girl! haha. thanks leh buddy. For being there for me and visiting that stupid place with me! haha. Hopefully I converted you into more of a BoA fan. hahaha. (:
Weili
Haha. we know each other wayyyyyyy back. Somehow. Some weird thing brought us together again.. haha. Which is fun and i'm not complaining! it's the neither here nor there kinda feeling that's interesting! haha. good luck in your act or whatever and oh. I'll see you for lunch soon haha.
The Cheer Guys
Nothing's more important than the brotherhood. Thanks for putting up with my odd timings, lack of strength and technique sometimes and lousy attitude. Haha. Nothing much to write here, cause all I wanna say is already in the card. Haha. Enjoy, and stick together team!
[edit]Brinda, Jenevie, Tanya, Pei Xuan
All the pretty girls in hall 16 cheer! haha. thanks for the opportunity to work with you gals for this short period of time! You people make great friends, and I appreciate that, all the best to you all, and for putting up with my crap sometimes. Jiayou!
Sharon
Someone deserves a special mention here. It's been a long route, and yes we've met each other on a very bad note, but still I'm glad we're much closer now. Thanks for everything, the experience and all, and hopefully we become teammates soon eh? THANK YOU JIEJIE (:
[/edit]
The rest wait first la. I getting tired. haha. Shall continue like tomorrow or something.. haha.
妳的繪畫凌 亂著 在這個時刻
我想起噴泉 旁的 白鴿 甜蜜散 落了
情緒莫名的 拉扯 我還愛 妳呢
伴妳斷斷續續唱 著歌 假裝沒事了
時間過了 走了 愛情面臨選擇
妳冷了 倦了 我哭了
一開始的不快樂 妳用卡片細寫著
有些愛只給到這 真的痛了
怎麼了 妳累了 說好的 幸福呢
我懂了 不說了 愛淡了 夢遠了
開心與不開心 一一細數著 妳在不捨
那些愛過的感覺都太深刻 我都還記得
妳不等了 說好的 幸福呢
我錯了 淚乾了 放手了 後悔了
只是回憶的音樂盒還旋轉著 要怎麼停呢
妳的繪畫凌 亂著 在這個時刻
我想起噴泉 旁的 白鴿 甜蜜散 落了
情緒莫名的 拉扯 我還愛 妳呢
伴妳斷斷續續唱 著歌 假裝沒事了
時間過了 走了 愛情面臨選擇
妳冷了 倦了 我哭了
一開始的不快樂 妳用卡片細寫著
有些愛只給到這 真的痛了
怎麼了 妳累了 說好的 幸福呢
我懂了 不說了 愛淡了 夢遠了
開心與不開心 一一細數著 妳在不捨
那些愛過的感覺都太深刻 我都還記得
妳不等了 說好的 幸福呢
我錯了 淚乾了 放手了 後悔了
只是回憶的音樂盒還旋轉著 要怎麼停呢
怎麼了 妳累了 說好的 幸福呢
我懂了 不說了 愛淡了 夢遠了 我都還記得
妳不等了 說好的 幸福呢
我錯了 淚乾了 放手了 後悔了
只是回憶的音樂盒還旋轉著 要怎麼停
I like his emo songs. Seriously. Especially the ones where you can literally feel his guts pouring out over the lyrics, or droplets of tears trickling down his face and onto his notes..
Perhaps it's something that I can easily relate to, after all, if you are really going to sing a song well, you've got to put your heart into the lyrics and adopt the emotions of the character of the song, before you can translate the feelings and convey it with the melody. Hence, there are people who can make it as good singers, while others are simply losers who can't sing for nuts. Not going to put some names here, but I'm sure you'll be able to point out a few.
I can't say I'm a die hard fan of Jay Chou, but somehow I appreciate some of his songs more than the rest. In fact, it's the ballads that I like alot, while the rest of the songs in the albums kinda suck, especially when he just keeps repeating his rapping skills over and over again - something that's not very new in the market anymore.. yes - it may be a tested and proven method of filling in the gaps in the album, but I personally think he needs to work more on his "feeling" songs that those upbeat chickity chicken nonsensical tones.
Enough of Jay Chou. It's been rather long since I last penned an entry here, in fact it has been so for the past few entries. Of course the unfortunate thing that my desktop rig has been down during the examinations, which is both a blessing and curse. And here I am blogging straight from my desktop again, and I kinda realised it was just some incorrect timings that I made during one of the tweaking sessions that screwed up the comp. And now, with a terabyte hard drive happily chugging along Windows, I'm back!
Exams are over. Like finally, It still feels as though I ended exams recently (even though it already has been a week). I personally feel that I kind of placed alot of effort in this examinations - I think even more than what I did for my A levels (sorry I had to bring back history for that's my last exam as far as I remember).. Though, I have this sinister feeling that hard work DOES NOT pay off for this, as the papers are pretty oddball compared to prior years. Oh well, to hell with it, there're 400+ people who are gonna killed with me. LOL.
Been out every other day these days, and happily so, sightseeing shopping eating coffee waffling etc etc. I'm happy to have gotten my life back, but still, there are still disappointments here and there like people PS-ing you for no proper reason, long time friends suddenly decides not to talk to you for god knows what reason. Well thing is, these things used to matter alot to me in the past, and I get pretty upset over such things, but not anymore. I have learnt that there are some people who do care about me more than the rest, and these are the people I need to keep myself going. (: So thank you to those who stood by me this while!
Sigh. There are some people that I really miss alot now that I think about it.. Well, some things, you'll only be able to reminisce it because it has become a thing of the past.. it won't be as sweet if it wasn't a distant fragment of memory.. okay,, it's beginning to sound abit perverted.. (not in that way you sick fellow.)
The title? It simply means, Where/What is your happiness? (In Japanese there are many ways of intepreting a sentence) Have you found yours? I probably am going to find it soon ((:
"A STOP ERROR (0x0000007E) has occurred. Windows has stopped to protect your computer. If this is the first time you're seeing this, try restarting your computer. If problem persists, contact your system vendor.
Initialising memory dump 78%...
Restarting.."
Microsoft really lack creative talent most of the time, but what's left is in their error reports. Okay, not exactly a report. It doesn't even tell you what's wrong, other than the blue screen that tells you "dude, you screwed me up big time." SO i shall answer the stop error since I'm so darn bored.
stop error has occurred. okay, so that's the name of the shit i'm in now. windows has stopped to protect your computer. err. great, how does not enabling me to run windows help me? if this is the first time you're seeing this er. no it's not. if problem persists, contact your system vendor so i shall just go give myself a miss call? LOL. hilarious shit.
So I'm relying on my VAIO nowdays, very thankfully. Okay I can't play GRID racer or any other high end games, but hey I'll gladly settle for the SIMS, need for speed underground 2, and even CounterStrike. LOL. They do run smoothly (thank god).. And helps to relieve stress.
Speaking of stress, I don't know if I'm under too much stress or too little stress. I can study for a couple of days straight, but the thing is I can't really get things in. It's disgusting, given my papers last so damn long.. so the cycle is gonna repeat. I believe that .. 3 days is the optimum amount of time gap between papers, giving you enough time to brush up and go for it. A week is pretty disgusting.. you give yourself too much time to think about crap and irrelevant stuff. In my case, I'm planning outings =/ I'm mad.
On a lighter note, gyming has been working on me (: can visibly see the pectorals now. My aim of tossing Yining still stands at the end of the year. Shall pump more tomorrow! And yeah, math paper wasn't as hard as I expected, so I'm modestly aiming for a B for it.
As for the little bullshit subjects that come later e.g. 111 and 121, their content can easily trump the sahara - freaking dry. Damn boring. Struggling to keep my interest. Faster get done and over with.
Yes yes, I know this entry is not as coherent as my previous ones, but I don't really care right now. I need to pen stuff and I can't stop writing right now.
It's sad la. I;m getting emo. And i got a feeling I'm falling back into the compulsive pattern, no thanks to examinations probably? I haven't been myself.. for those people who do reply my smses will realise I'm either very short in my replies or very much delayed ones. what's worse, is when you want to talk to people just for pointless chats to relieve your pain of studying, everyone's busy la, away la, or just feigning it? I don't know, neither do I know the truth. Probably everyone is really stuck in their books. Can't blame most of them though.
People around me are finding it hard to let go of their previous relations. Not that I'm coping too well with it, but sometimes I think keeping yourself busy is one of the best ways to prevent your mind from wandering to these places again.. No doubt, now and then you do look back and think about it, but it's equally important to learn to move forward. What's used to be there is no longer there, and learn to accept it.
All the best for exams fellors... I'm really looking forward to the many meetups that I've planned after exams!
I WANNA TRAIN! )):
A fool to believe that hopelessly clinging on to pseudo relations does help in making himself happy. A fool to believe that everyone deserves another chance to prove him or herself to be a good friend, a fool to think that there're lots of people who do treasure him.
It's pretty hopeless and sad at the same time, that such thoughts have to run through my mind when I'm in the midst of preparing for my quiz tomorrow. So why am I penning this down? I think, if I don't, I'll probably go mad in hysteria and paranoia.
It's awful when you attempt to put alot into a relation with people and the very same few simply chug you aside when they have new fancies. To make things worse, they don't even care if you talk to them or not, and once good friends can turn pretty awkward in an instant.
Sentimentalism is perhaps a giant flaw that all pisces grown to have an affection for. They're filled with nolstalgia, basking themselves in the happiness of yesteryear. The brain makes it hard to let go, especially when things that are currently happening aren't what they are used to. So in an attempt to stomp out suicidal thoughts, the memory kickstarts a flood of previous happy moments, very much like how endorphin churns out when you're under stress at times.
Here's the bottom line. If you're not interested, just screw off. I would gladly just take your name and strike it off, after all, here's the thing about you that you hardly know: you aren't important at all, just for formality sake I have decided to ask how you are.. because I'm bored. Nothing much. If you don't reply there's still 23,434,434 people i can message to get a reply from. So stop thinking you're that great, you aren't.
And to those who just throw their old friends when they made new ones.. here's a middle finger to you incorrigible beasts. Those are the people that make what you are today, and if you can't accept them, you can't accept your old self you loser.
So some random person began writing at my blog and leaving a comment:
Subject: your post.
you hurt her so bad.
yet you have the cheek to pen down such words.
usage of bombastic language and words will not make you appear any more innoncent or victimised than you arent.
well, dont always blame others before taking a step back to look at the situation.
afterall. people stood by you maybe cause you merely told your side of the story.
they've yet to hear both.
maybe you should stay single.
not only will you be a happier person, others will be happier as well, comforted, based on your prospects as a boyfriend.
regards, jaml.
interesting viewpoint. i think i have to make a reply to that.
so have you been hearing both sides of the story? if you have, do let me know, because i probably forgotten i told you my side of the story.
if you read my post really carefully, i'm not blaming anyone. if you would learn to see things in a less constrained and biased view, you will learn to see i'm not pushing the blame at all.
if you are really going to help, please do it in a positive way rather than posting such sarcastic remarks on other people's blog. in fact, i don't even have the slightest idea who you are, probably you need to find out a little more before placing such sweeping assumptions on your part.
Still, I thank you for your concern over the matter. I'm glad that she has friends like you who stand by her and keep her company.
perhaps in life we should never expect people to do something, assume others to perform a particular task. most of the time, you just get disappointed because your bar is set too high?
i hate it everytime i try really hard to achieve something, placing lots of efforts whenever i can and yet someone downplays you with a nay signage, or the score on your test paper maintains at the same grade? it feels so hopeless, so forlorn, that the efforts have been used to make NEWater.
I'm tired. I feel i'm the one hopelessly trying to cling on, and you're just trying to fling me off the moment there's an opportunity. probably it's the definition of small things that got us really stuck, and triviality has been a very subjective question, but is there nothing we can do to work it out? there's no room for negotiation, it's like waging war against a faction without any form of proper negotiation or talks.. it's not only undiplomatic, it's also not very tact.
maybe school is too busy. aces eats up a chunk of my life away. with endless term tests, quizzes, assignments, tutorials and multiple lessons, i already feel like a bull being led on by a rope tied to my nose. there's not really an aim, there's also no end in sight either.
yes yes. i'm trying to find excuses for what you perceive as incompetence as a proper boyfriend. if that's the case, good luck on your find then, i'm not the one for you.
sometimes i really should just stay single. i think i'm a much happier person.
P/S a word of thanks to those who stood by me when things go rough in so many aspects of my life.
The original of this song has lyrics time to say goodbye. The reason for choosing this is simple, and no it's not because it's elmo (okay, that's part of the reason), but the true reason is someone important has gone overseas for her studies..
It's pretty strange how human relations work out, and it's indeed interesting how me and her started out as just colleagues to really close friends. Okay, maybe a little more than close friends, she has become rather important in my life.
I still remember the first time I saw her, how dao she looked and stuff, and her face just gives you the impression that she can't be serious. Once you get to know her, she does think alot, especially about people around her, and I can really feel the care and concern she gives..
I'm thankful to have her in my life, and she will definitely be sorely missed.
Yet, I'm appalled at how superficial people can get. Once you don't see a certain someone for a while, they gets immediately striked off in a chart, and never to be mentioned or seen again. that's pretty pathetic, is there no love in the world anymore?
For those who complain about my long entry, this is going to be a short one. And it shall end here. Eunice, I'll really miss you ): thanks for the wonderful memories, and that I'll never forget what you've done for me!
Part One:
Part Two:
The lyrics are too long for this compilation of songs. Hence I should skip posting the lyrics.. I realised that I actually know quite a couple of Chinese songs. The reason for choosing this song, it's a combination of the nicest songs in one, and me and Wei Ling (baby's friend) sang twice. It's fun.. really fun when you manage to catch the transitions.
I think I've been owing too many entries to this blog.. Either I'm too preoccupied with the many things that have entered my life, or simply because I was too busy to blog. Still, I think I should give a short summary of what happened.
Those who frequent facebook enough to spot me around would know my happenings ... thanks to my new w170 cybershot, so it's posting of photos.
First up, cheerleading camp! It was a wonderful experience really.. Even though there were some really hard trainings. In fact, there were a couple of occasions that I wanted to give up altogether, especially that dreaded flight of steps, but the sheer determination of even the girls inspired me to press on. Don't be mistaken, my stamina can easily conquer that, but thing is, whether the heart wishes to do it or not.. At the end of the camp I've decided to give myself another chance, another shot, to see if I'm really up to it to stay in the team.
I'm not saying that the team is bad or whatsoever. I've heard too many stories about how political ACES is (like any other competitive team), yet I am no one to pass any judgement before seeing it first-hand myself. It's just, the feeling's not there. It might because my previous team was a more tightly knitted circle, united against you-know-who. Here, the sense of belonging is there, but it's definitely not as strong as before. To the extent, I'm reconsidering the option of staying in hall and getting hall cheer. Like hey, I wasn't told of hall cheer at all la.. if I had I would have applied to stay for hall.
Truth be told, ACES was one of the reasons why I chose to come NTU in the first place. I was offered Chemistry on both sides ((I couldn't care less about SMU), and ACES was the deciding factor. Now that I'm in, I now reconsider. It feels as though I'm a person that's never satisfied, but hey that's probably what makes us human right?
Second, the rest of my recess week! Which is heavily packed with meetups, lunches, etc etc.. Managed to meetup with people whom I haven't seen for a long time, as well as people who are dear to me. I can foresee the jam-packed meals to come again next week.. because most of the meetups this week are postponed to the next. Oh well. I love the company anyway!
Third, I went to Sentosa with her! It was wonderful, since I haven't been there for ages.. there was lots to explore, and yes, the Marche dinner which I really loved.. Quality time spent with her is really blissful in its own way.
Another K Box session! Looks like I need work on my upper limits, but I'm reached another landmark where I can still talk normally after the session instead of croakling.. Looks like the training on vocal power has increased..
And recently, more heart-to-heart talks with lots of people. It's really nice to know that you're being trusted and all, when people ask you for opinion on stuff, and you know they'll be there for you as well should you need them. So far so good.. Some heavenly being must have been working OT to bless me with such people in my life. Love you guys *muahs!
As for those who are still having problems letting go of sorrows, pain, and mishappenings, look on the bright side ya? It hurts for me to see you people sad, and I don't think you want the cheerleader to become emo again right? Hee~
Eto, still thinking what else to say, ne. Sorekara, I should sleep early, and go for a run tomorrow! Sayonara, Mata ne!
Beyonce - Irreplaceable
To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
Mmmm to the left, to the left
Everything you own in the box to the left
In the closet, that's my stuff
Yes, if I bought it, baby, please don't touch (don't touch)
And keep talking that mess, thats fine
Could you walk and talk, at the same time?
And it's my name thats on that jag
So go move your bags, let me call you a cab
Standing in the front yard, telling me
How I'm such a fool, talking 'bout
How I'll never ever find a man like you
You got me twisted
CHORUS
You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I could have another you in a minute
Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute (baby)
You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I can have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinkin'
You're irreplaceable?
So go ahead and get gone
Call up that chick, and see if shes home
Oops I bet you thought, that I didn't know
What did you think
I was putting you out for?
Because you was untrue
Rolling her around in the car that I bought you
Baby, drop them keys
Hurry up, before your taxi leaves
Standing in the front yard, telling me
How I'm such a fool, talking 'bout
How I'll never ever find a man like you
You got me twisted
CHORUS
So since I'm not your everything (irreplaceable)
How about I'll be nothing (nothing)? Nothing at all to you (nothing, nothing)
Baby I won't shed a tear for you (I won't shed a tear for you)
I won't lose a wink of sleep (a wink of sleep)
'Cause the truth of the matter is (truth is)
Replacing you is so easy
To the left, to the left.
To the left, to the left.
Mmmmm
To the left, to the left.
Everything you own in the box to the left
To the left, to the left.
Don't you ever for a second get to thinking
You're irreplaceable?
CHORUS
You can pack all your bags we're finished (you must not know 'bout me)
'Cause you made your bed now lay in it (you must not know 'bout me)
I could have another you by tomorrow
Don't you ever for a second get to thinkin'
You're irreplaceable?
This song was chosen for a special reason (: simply because this song was on her blog so it should land a special place in my blog as well. I hereby sincerely apologise for the lack of entries, for I've been relatively busy with alot of things in my life.
Firstly, just some updates with my life. It's interesting how people come and go in my life. There are those whom I used to hang out with, not anymore, and some others that I've never thought of being close to. It's a miracle how life works for me. For those who came into my life recently, well a warm welcome to you and hope it's going to last. And for those who I've started to distant, pardon me, it may not be of my personal choice, but things just happen that way. On the lighter side of things, there have been some people who entered into my life in a very important way, and you'd probably know who you are (: love you.
Secondly, I've officially joined the ACES cheerleading team. Okay, it ain't exactly news, but I haven't been updating this junkbook. Training has been relatively alright so far, even though there were a couple of times where I was on the verge of giving up. Seriously, I'm leaving this as an after thought in the next few paragraphs as there are seriously issues with regards to this topic.
Third, I've no idea if I'm coping with my studies or not. So far, I can say I'm not exactly in study mood yet. Yes, it's already week 6, yet to me it seems that I am too lazy to put in effort in my studies. There isn't much tests where I can self-assess myself whether I am submerging myself in a pseudo-coping state or drowning in what seems to be shallow water, but apparently this falsified sense of confidence hit a giant wall today during biochemistry test, which was really difficult. In fact, it was more difficult that any buffer question in A levels, or was it just the incompetence of a rusty mind?
There has been alot of things in my head nowadays. I don't know if this is happening to everyone else, but it seems that I lose interest in things rather quickly. Especially on the issue on old friends, and a comment by someone very dear to me made me think hard. What she said was probably true, that when you enter university you don't forget your old friends, but sooner or later, because of the infrequent meetings, or rather, meetups with them, you will tend to distant from them. I gave her a remark that, well, it might be inevitable. A relation requires both sides to put in effort to sustain. It's useless for one party to hopeless cling on to it like a runaway train when the other intends to step on it as the driver. But is that what we really want in life? Phases of friends? It's really sad and pathetic, that we've to become such practical people. There's not much humanity currently, gone are the days when people are simple minded creatures, and when friendship and "brotherhood" were paramount to surviving in the world.
It sucks being a pisces. Overly emotional and empathetic at all times. We lend our helping hands to people in need around us, only to be brushed off by cynical people who think we've ulterior motives. And when that happens. the pessimsitic two-headed-fish turns all emo. I've already learnt to be more extrovert (I'm cheerleader in and out you moron.), but it seems I've alot more work to do on the helping people and not be emo if you're not appreciated.
The other thing is about my time management. Well, it's pretty horrible I would say. I hardly have time for myself to stop and think! Mon - Fri there's lesson from morning to evening, then evening onwards it's either tuition or cheer training. Weekends are usually spent cooping at home, hoping to find some relief, but NOOOO, more stuff to be done e.g. household chores etc. Sometimes I find it so tiring that I'd just stone and stare at this monitor of mine, not talking but just stoning.
I've got lots to learn in university life. *nodnod* I think I owe an apology to anyone whom I've offended due to my outbreak of emotions and for ignoring or whatsoever.
I need to start studying soon. Catch you people around!
[Peddi]
que linda ma, que linda ma, tu que linda ma, que linda ma, que linda ma
Let's go!
[Ne-Yo]
The room is spinnin'
And I can't breathe
And o0h my head is just achin'
Hands won't stop sweatin'
And my knees girl they just wont stop shakin'
My stomach is turnin' flips
And I feel sick
Yea see (yeah)
And this is all just at the thought of you leavin' me
[Hook]
(maybe I'm a fool)
Am I stupid?
(Maybe I'm a fiend)
Addicted to it
(baby I don't know)
But your my get right when it's wrong
(Maybe it's your smile)
Makes me happy
(Maybe it's your touch)
So relaxing
(whatever it is)
Without it i just can't go on
And I want you to know that
[Chorus]
I just can't help myself
I just can't help myself
I don't need nothin' else
All I need is you
Why don't you just
Stay with me
Why don't you just
Stay with me
Why don't you just
Stay with me
Why don't you just
Stay with me
Never gonna be without cha'
See myself with only you
I finally found my inspiration
Here your voice sing
(baby wooohhoo00oo)
Anything I gotcha'
Watcha' want indeed I'll be
Cuz you are my everything
So baby please just
Stay with me
[Hook]
[Chorus]
que linda ma, que linda ma, tu que linda ma, que linda ma, que linda ma, que linda ma, tu que linda ma, que linda ma
Dah dah dah dah dah
NOW
Live from the 215
My babygirl ride right on my left handside
Mercedes rug slide through the palm of a dime
The brother known best
Its the prince
And you my princess
Let's get it on
Mami que-linda
Look at cha' beautiful smile
I don't wanna leave ya
Why don't cha stay for a while
I love to love ya
Like heavy bum-bum-tiddly-dee
Take off ya sneaks
And leme tickle ya feet
Peddi a libra
You think that Peddi a freak
Oooh you a leo
I heard they rather unique
Your sucha diva
Your sucha pleasure to meet
Your 1 of ur stature
1 in a million
Nothin' else matters
I love to turn you on
Your like my favorite song
Without you would be wrong
(would be wrong)
Forever and always
Did you know what you do for me?
Love you you're my melody
Wearin' my heart on my sleeve
(music)
You're all I need
[Chorus]
I've probably found back my life! There's almost an 80% chance that I'm going to be back into cheerleader for the next couple of years.. Perhaps it might be too good to be true.. The fact is, there wasn't much of an audition for the guys since they are pretty short of the male speices in terms of freshies.
What's making this experience so memorable, regardless of whether I eventually get in or not is the people that I've met through the workshop. You can practically say I'm a superficial person, but the people who attend the workshop are really a nice bunch. Not only are they friendly, they are lovely too (: of course in everything there are exceptions, anomalies, and other undisputed flaws amongst the attendees, but generally I LOVE THE COMPANY SO FAR.
Of course I don't intend to just leave the spirit there. Sad to say, so far in NTU, there isn't much hot blooded people, or rather, I haven't met any yet. Most of the people are simply passive followers, like lost sheep in a bundle. There's not much leadership or decision making. Some are still living off their JC mentailty that staying with the people that you already know is the best policy in staying alive (no references to Saturday Night Fever please. lol). In cheerleading is where I see people who really help each other out, keep our spirits alive throughout the entire session. In fact, the people are very likely to become good friends in future (heh heh. you know who you are la hor.) Enthusiasm for one is off the roof, needless to say the passion that continues to motivate all of us is definitely present.
I'm still very much a cheerleader at heart. It's not much about the limelight that I receive, because as bases we don't get much. What I adore so much about the sport is the mutual trust between teammates, the encouragements, the laughter and the good long lasting friendships that are forged during training. It's almost magical that I still meetup with my old cheer mates 4 years after our stint together ended, and of course it's 4 years and counting.
So here's kudos to the cheerleading, to my old team, and hello to my new team. Definitely hope that this spirit will truly stay with me..
So the greatest dream is nothing but a whiff of heaven.. the whiff is lovely, but the tumble down back to earth can kill you at an instant.
I used to think I was a good cheerleader. I thought I knew the trade, well, at least a rough picture of what's going on around the cheerleading world. I have done stunts, which I thought I was pretty good at it, and dances too. Life never goes well without a pinch of irony it seems, and this irony has already begun to befall on me.
I wouldn't say what I've learnt before was practically useless, for it DID bring me through many performances and even competitions. No doubts about that, but it seems that either I have been slacking or everything I was taught was meant to be unlearnt. People like us don't change I suppose, we become slacker or better, we don't change. But one thing's for sure, so far no one has ever taken a stab at something that I've always been proud of.. until one fine day, okay, today, someone apparently did.
I was trying to help out clearing some doubts with my peers regarding the stunts, when I gladly offered my shoulders (okay I'm making it sound noble, but hey it's my blog) for them to try their shoulder stands on. But one of the girls, which I do not wish to mention her name, gave a remark, probably without much thought, but very hurtful nonetheless.
"Ehhh don't want la. you so short I scared."
If you've known me for ages and you say that, I would just laugh it off because I admit I'm height challenged. The problem lies in two things, one: I haven;t known her that long to accept a remark from a total stranger like her, for I've only "known" her for less than a week. The other thing is the fact that SHE IS DOUBTING MY CHEERLEADING SKILLS. Mind you, I've did more shoulder stands than you in a lifetime. Period. Ego aside, it's pretty rude to say something like that, and what's making it MORE oxymoronic is the fact that the lower your base is, the less high you will be, and the better you're able to stand firmly.
You may think I'm sounding like a bitch. But you have to understand, cheerleading has always been something that I'm pretty proud of, and doing that HURTS. Yes, it's pretty rare I use such emotional words, but the fact is I am.
It just brings me to think, have I elevated my ego to such a high level that a small comment like that can dent it? Or is just because it was negligence in her part to cater for the feelings of an old cheerleader? Whatever it is, it has really dampened my spirits. Am I really cut out to be a cheerleader? Or am I dreaming in my own world for this period of time? Whoever out there please enlighten me. Am I living a life that is mine? Or am I fulfilling some non-existent demands?
Yes. I always say I'm emo, though 90% of the time I don't really mean it. Now I do. ):
